Labor Day

I'm sitting here with my Kettle One & Arizona Iced Tea, waiting for Alex to arrive. Today is Labor Day and for most the day it just annoyed me. I had things to do (go to the bank, mail checks etc), but I couldn't do any of these things because the necessary establishments were closed. Although I am going to a "Labor Day Barbecue" in Brooklyn shortly, I'm not use to celebrating the holiday. The past 4 years I was away at a college where we still had classes on the holiday. Many people view the holiday as the last day of summer/day off of work, to me it's just another day.

All of these thoughts bring me to a realization, one which I have been realizing all summer, but has completely hit me in the past week. I'm an adult?

It's the end of summer, not the beginning of classes. No more worrying about getting a story idea and pulling together a fully edited story in time to meet my friends at the OP Thursday night and make it to my 9am class Friday. My concerns are no longer academics and affording a bottle of Svedka for the weekend.

Now, I'm paying bills, real bills, and rent. In the most expensive city in the country. I don't have to worry about completing papers in time to go out with my friends. I have to worry about making plans early enough after work so I can take the subway instead of a cab.

I have a job. I like it. It's great money, fun and provides opportunities to network and move up. However, it's not what I planned. What bothers me a bit more quite honestly- it's not what everyone expected of me. I'm not a news reporter. I'm not on TV. Sometimes I think about how I'm only 22, I have my life ahead of me and quite frankly I think I'm doing very well. Everyone I meet is impressed and sees nothing wrong with not knowing exactly what I want to do with my life less than 4 months after graduating college.

The other part of me feels like something isn't right. I wanted to be a reporter since I was a little girl watching the Today Show with my grandma every morning before I caught the bus to school. I spent my last 2 years of college working my ass off to put together a resume DVD. I haven't even sent one copy to a station yet.

The main source of my confusion is the ideas of location and profession. I love the city, this city. I know I haven't been everywhere in the world. Right now, I just don't want to leave. Becoming a reporter would involve moving to some random small town, then moving up to bigger markets. Eventually, yes I could end up back here...my problem: I'm not ready to leave. Then, I think of how I'm making twice as much money working in promotions rather than reporting.

All in all, I'd like to just play my life by ear. I use to be so organized and put together. I think I'm still both, but with each passing day I meet so many new people and see different things, lifestyles etc...and become less interested in living a conventional 9-5 life. Perhaps that wasn't meant for the honors student?

All in all, I feel as though I went through my childhood, teenage years and college years the way one is "supposed to." I went to private schools, earned all those A's, never got into trouble and planned to be a reporter right after graduating. Now that I've gone through all the preparation steps, I don't know if I want to be the person I always prepared to be.